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A letter to God

The Fray - You Found Me

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

I had once lost faith in God... It happened when I had chosen the darkest path ever in my life... sekarang ni pun tak tahu la samaada aku still ade sepenuhnya kepercayaan kat Dia mcm dulu..sememangnya aku memcuba dan terus mencuba untuk PERCAYA dan bukan sekadar percaya..tetapi lebih dr tu..emm YAKIN..thats the word..kekadang kesusahan hidup buat kita kabur kuasa tuhan..terlalu banyak cabaran idup yg smpai kkadang kt tertanya2, why me..kenapa,kenapa dan kenapa...terlalu banyak kenapa..akhirnya jd penat, letih dan lemah..pada mula, akan cuba untuk jd tabah, kuat, berdoa..tp bila masih tak nampak jalan, the faith slowly die..smpai la jd reput dan patah semangat...so akan cuba mencari alternative lain untuk ilangkan serabut...rokok, bersosial, and many more...sembahyang?huhuh jarang sekali..kenapa?sb da penat...kenapa? sb da ilang yakin..kenapa? sb da tak nampak jalan..kenapa lagi?sb btol ke tuhan tu ade?..ah ni dah parah..kalo smpai tahap ni mmg dah parah...setakat yg aku alami dulu, yes i've done all that except for the 'btol ke tuhan tu ade' part...walaupun kuat mane aku kecewa dgn hidup, aku yakin tuhan tu ade..just..ahh susah nak ckp...ms lampau ku..zaman hitam yg berlaku tak berapa lame yg lepas..my question to God yg blom terjawab?banyak...banyak sgt...tp tu la..God dont simply give the answer to you..but when u sit back and relax, and then think, think, and think...u will get the answer... yes you will...kkdg die nak mngajar kite..kite ni keras kepala, tak dgr kate..org nasihat kite bukan nak dgr..so care nak mngajar suh sedar sket ialah dgn tu la..dah tuhan bagi padan muke la..br nak blaja..br nak insaf... tu yg aku blaja dr segala masalah2 aku..btol skali..tepat..

Tapi still sekarang aku menunggu satu lagi jawapan dr DIA...Btol ke semua tanda2 yg die bagi sekarang ni adalah jawapan yg tepat untuk aku?ke sekadar ujian lagi?atau mainan perasaan aku?tu yg aku tak tahu...just pray..berdoa dan berdoa..kkdg aku mula rase penat..stat hati jahat aku berkata 'ya allah bile ko nak bg jawapan ni...ah malas la aku nak berdoa, biar la ape nak jadi pun..' tp kejap je..sb aku rasa tak de org yg lagi tahu smer bende melainkan die...tak de..tu janji allah yg die ckp dlm ayat Qursi...so stiap kali keyakinan aku hilang, aku akan bace ayat qursi..paling tekankan part yg die ckp 'die yg maha mengetahui ape yg di depan dan dibelakang kamu'...ayat tu buat aku lege...walaupun perit, tp atleast aku lege...

Ya allah,

jika kau mendengar setiap rintuhan hati manusia berdosa ini, jika kau mengetahui ape yg di simpan kemas dlm hati nya, jgn la sesekali kau mngabaikan nya..sesungguhnya die memerlukan pertolongan dan petunjuk mu....